Don't Talk to Me Until I've Had My Coffee (DTTMUIHMC) #1
Mon 19th May 2025, Session 1
Date: Mon 19th May 2025 (approx. 10:20am)
Location: Detour Espresso, Marchmont
Special Guest: Mr G Pancakes
Topics Discussed: Grammaticalisation in Old English, Eurovision 2025, inhumanness of economics (general), ‘yard’ vs ‘garden’ sale, Polish presidential election, Portuguese parliamentary election, caffeine and Vaseline addiction (overlap of), Cypriot brain drain (Mr P’s fault), fatshaming, the neeky nature of WhatsApp Events, Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence (Ryuichi Sakamoto), Casual (Chappell Roan), Affleck’s Palace, Preston train station (complimentary), Carlisle train station (derogatory), population of Bradford, Tim Farron MP, Australian hurricanes, GCSE Geography, being ejected from a polycule (first-hand experience of), Nick Clegg (Meta big boss), prospect of meeting your future wife/husband/life partner in Subway Cowgate, lengthy psychoanalysis of the Devonian tech bro MAGA supporting mind, exam invigilators etc.
The Menu:
Oat Chai Latte (8/10)
Mr GP (not a General Practitioner): Disliked glass, preferred mug receptacle, pleased that it ‘didn’t taste like syrup’, liked ‘nutty warm flavour’ (later went on to purchase semen-coloured Sainsbury’s smoothie)
Oat Latte (8/10)
DJ Porridge: ‘Yum.’
Iced Oat Latte (7/10)
Honourable Lop: Perfectly lovely, small bits of curdled-looking oat milk but may have just been apparition, tiny glass (teaching importance of moderation, respected), strong flavour
Ultimately, we did not achieve enlightenment BUT we are eternally grateful to Mr G Pancakes for his time and extreme punctuality (6 minutes early!): we look forward to adopting his IKEA cabinet and Adventure Time posters for our own abode (House MD reference).